Too Busy To Connect
Another summer season seems to be slipping through my fingers. There are never enough days to cross off the bucket list of hikes and adventures. My husband and I recently found ourselves arguing about this exact issue. Both frustrated by how we struggle to have time to actually spend time together. From what I can tell and from what I’m hearing, we’re not the only couple in the valley with this problem. There are plenty of you among us!
Between work obligations, family visiting, weddings, baby showers, volunteering, we barely have a few long weekends left to be out together exploring these mountains. We share in the disappointment but usually look to the other person to give up a commitment verses volunteering to let go of one of our own…
Some might call it a catch-22. But I see this as nearly too common of an epidemic. We just too busy to connect. Multiple jobs, the kid’s constant activities, additional obligations, including that race or marathon you have to train for, all get in the way of our relationships.
Think about this: What if this time was committed back into your relationships?
Being busy has nothing to do with being productive or fulfilled. Busyness is merely distraction wrapped up in convincing packaging. We over schedule meetings, draw out long to-do lists, add another activity, another event, all to make ourselves feel good for having so much to accomplish. But the research tells us, being this busy actually defeats and drains us. Taking a significant toll on our mental and physical well-being.
Without time to rest, slow down, and to be present, our bodies and minds are in constant over drive. We’re overstimulated and burning out. We rarely ever pause to reflect on what we’re doing and why we do it, persistent to keep moving on to the bigger better thing. It’s honestly a compulsion and it may even suffice that many of us are addicted to staying busy.
To have meaningful connection with others and to build solid relationships, we need time. Time to experience each other, to talk, share and listen. We even need time to prioritize each other. This ended up being at the heart of that argument my husband and I had. Neither of us felt like we were much of a priority to the other. Which wasn’t an intention of his nor mine. It’s merely the result of when we put too much ahead of relationships.
When we can begin to prioritize our families and our friendships, we also begin to practice saying no. No to what is extra. No to what is getting in the way of being able to slow life down and to spend more time “being” with each other - rather than “doing” with each other. I’ve been personally practicing saying no to work and reducing my overbooked schedule. It a tough exercise because I love what I do! But it is important. Because it is a practice of beginning to say yes to the relationships that matter most to me.
Vail Relationship Institute is locate in Vail, CO and specializes in healing relationships. The highly trained team of therapists provides couples counseling, family therapy, and individual counseling to help them address deep disconnection and emotional pain. We also provide community events and online courses, all because we believe relationships matter most.